and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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