There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
