I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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