He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
