If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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