Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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