I can tuck mytits in my pants
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
