sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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