The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
