i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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