hotel room ftw
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
