Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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