It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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