We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.