Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.