I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person