AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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