I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.