In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.