i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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