Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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