I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
