the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
