Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
