I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
