Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love you.
Bad choice
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
