were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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