I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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