The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
