You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
