You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
