The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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