Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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