You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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