i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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