I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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