if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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