first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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