so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
