And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
