Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
