I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
