you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
