Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
