Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
