no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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