Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think people are normalizing furries
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
