Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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