who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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