My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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