does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
