so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A+ Viking dick
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