I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
