I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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