this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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