Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
