Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
