I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
