if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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