Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
