in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
