Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
