We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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