Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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