there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
