hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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