god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
