so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
