I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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