i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
