SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
