I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
