Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
