I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
